heart races. thoughts racing. can’t keep up. ashamed. betrayed. mystified. how can i possibly lash out so dramatically. all the time. so constantly swayed by passion. what gives me the right to dish out my judgement and opinion as if it’s fact. why do i want others to hurt when i hurt? when will i ever get over this. i’ve been trying and trying at being for years. when do i just get to be. I know the time of person inside me. seriously, fuck. when can the little girl just die. when can I finally let go of this dead weight. help me see the truth. help me stay away from the cave. i keep doing this to myself. burn after burn. unconditional love is loving someone even when they don’t make sense to you. how much longer will you keep expecting. and keep trying to plan? let go of others. concepts. ideas. hold true to yourself. and what you love. let go of selfishness. you’ve seen it ruin and destroy your life. it’s time to let go of your sadness. no matter how deep rooted and seeded.
most times there’s no excuse for my insanity. that which makes my blood boil. but heart stop at the same time. for fucks sake. someone should be able to tell you they want time to themselves without you tripping out. forget what’s happend in your past. forget the abuse you’ve experienced from others. and yourself. do you really mean what you say. do you really honestly feel that way? there needs to be some recognition on my part. he shouldn’t have to tell you to shutup so much.
why does it take some of us so long to accept someone else not liking us? or falling out of love with us? or just. when someone no longer wants our lives to be joined as they have been. why does that realization take forever. why does it hurt. why are we sad. why are we confused. can’t just all the good things stay?
sometimes it’s really so difficult to picture any future moment in time. I’ve been so obsessed with planning a future. and now I’m giving myself the freedom to just go with it. whatever it may be. except, now I don’t want to give too much emotion or forethought to anything. sometime’s it’s numbing, this whole. living for the present thing
relief beyond relief beyond greatest relief. weight of the world, removed. stead fast, eyes on the prize mentality. one day at a time. steps before leaps. thank you universe
there’s too much to do in this world. and too much to see. and so much I want to be. so instead of just, wanting to be that person. I’m going to actually be her. and if I change my mind, then I’ll just change my ways
I don’t know that it could be possible to explain such a physical connection as ours. and it’s not one sided. and it is evolving. and it is continual and unconditional. daydreams take me away for hours. comfort me, warm and fluid. you can’t even imagine.
so then it could be true that everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. i’ve seen it sprawled across deconstructed bricks and shattered mirrors. and over the small of backs. because when hands are on faces and fingers to pulses I remember what’s most important. a call back to reality. to what truly makes things tick. realistic apologies and handheld promises. hours of playing. moments of dreaming. watching away in the mirrors reflection. now I know. back to peace. for the time being
the kids and I are having an 11:11 on 11:11:11 ceremony. the rose is the flower of love everlasting. it’s a symbol of loving positivity that comes full circle on such a whole day month year time, as today. rose petals in a circle. we sit in the middle, lighting a dark candle to center the emotions. we then have 11 minutes of silence, which I know will be hard for a 9 and 6 year old. but we’re going to try! maybe I’ll abbreviate it to 1.1 minutes for them. but in that time we think of all the bullshit in our lives. everything that’s been created in some large part because of us. all our hinderencies. all our exhausted tendencies. every weight we wish to be lifted of. we write in on our paper. we read it to ourselves. we close our eyes, and move the energy. take if off of us and put it into the paper. we’ll go and hide our lists. taking it off of us and putting it back into the universe where it belongs. we will no longer be a shuttle to our pessimistic desires. we are lifting the burdens and putting them where we belong. then we blow out the candle together. & forget our yesterdays. today will be extremely beneficial
Do you have an unconscious belief that the forces of evil are loud, vigorous, and strong, while good is quiet, gentle, and passive? Gather evidence that contradicts this irrational prejudice.
Are you secretly suspicious of joy because you think it’s inevitably rooted in wishful thinking and a willful ignorance about the true nature of reality? Expose these suspicions as superstitions that aren’t grounded in any objective data you can actually prove.
Do you fear that when you’re in the presence of love and beauty you tend to become softheaded, whereas you’re likely to feel smart and powerful when you’re sneering at the ugliness around you? As an antidote, for a given amount of time, say a week or a month or a year, act as if the following hypothesis were true: that you’re more likely to grow smarter when you’re in the presence of love and beauty.
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In The Flesh!
So ya thought ya might like to go to the show.
To feel the warm thrill of confusion, that space cadet glow.
I got me some bad news... -
“The ideal woman to me would be the gun-toting moll. Someone who is true blue and ready to face the world. Open to ideas and suggestion, not...
